meticulous creatures we are. iam. 

i am thinking of taking up being a detail artist. i dont know if this is a real label, but im pretty sure i can create it to be one. They say the devil is in the details, but i think they are only scared because thats where i peer into the deep wallless pit of truth. 

summer is here with a very different air than that of past years. Im glad i have stuck it out in indianapolis, it is finally paying off. i have some amazing people who have been backing me all this time, with no recognition. They are finally getting the gratitude from my end. I can say enough how excited i am to partake in whatever path it is that this collective ive been partaking in, has chose to walk down. 

The spirit of passion and truth are the only things worthwhile to me anymore. Passion. and above all, truth. This is what i base my life off of, not expectations, or orders, or moral code. The more i hone in on this awareness, the better paved my path becomes. 

I love swimming naked in the secret lake. I cant wait to make it out to My secret quarry, but until then, i will wallow in joy over my new found beach spot, and my recent recall of who really matters. 

I love to be inspired by the people around me. I am trying to weed anyone who does not do this for me, and luxuriate on the ones who do. 

I still wonder if i would have been better off leaving with you.

spirit.

at the core i want nothing of your expectations. i want them out of here!!! they are clogging my fucking progress in life. you know nothing of happiness or where to find it, so quit draining me for the one small chunk i hold onto with my life. i teeter between teaching you a real lesson in life, and approaching you with compassion. 

i am a drifter. No one that i am aware of that is reading this, has the slightest idea as to what that means. Its not a movie character, its not something someone wrote about or came up with and a trend followed. It is a part of your soul, that is fleeting towards the next moment because that is the only constant that is visible. a soul like mine recognizes and is recognized almost immediately by one of the same nature. I pass, I do not mind what you are doing, as long as it does not affect what im doing, to much. i am my own soul, never to be bound to another, never to hold the hand of another if it is making me fall short of where i want to be. none of you understand this, none of you know. you probably think it is jaded, or irresponsible, or fantastic. I dont want to know what you think about it though, i dont really want anyone overly involved for any lengthy amount of time. It scares me to think my thoughts would be to focused. 

i miss leaving the place im at every second. i miss being in a constant state of departure and arrival, and most of all, i miss the people who love to not miss these feelings at all. 

why did i end up here?

ch ch ch changes

and i know nothing of what i want, but follow strongly in the direction of what i need. 

i am slightly overwhelmed by my current status. Moving into the apartment i am in now, has fallen completely short of every expectation. I dont know where my perception is, and i cant decide what is influencing it the most, but its fractals, of what i think i need and want i thought i wanted 6 months ago. I go through most days regretting the fact that i recognize some karmatic pattern, and how i have raped it in the past few years. Never did i think i would be such a prisoner in my own head. 

None the less, as the day of departure from my ever so kind  Woodruff Place short lived home, I am moving on. A whole new chapter presented itself as i was taking a gander at the book of life. A door opened to a world i swear i created in some dream, sometime ago.

it found a gallery that could use an inhabitor.  

my saving whim.

did i add that it has crown molding!

i say all of this with the deepest sigh to all of the trial and error i have in front of me. as well as the consequence that i know will come from such a great thing. 

i will keep posting the progress. 

until then, hold tight my friends.

THE WORMHOLE.

maybe its that time.

that you thought before you stepped into that murky water. 

im taking a journey through the pages in the book of life. most of the contents i dont have the comprehension for, but when i do understand what it is im seeing, its a moment of infintie middleness, and indifference to this and everything else. 

ive been understanding alot more of this book lately. 

why have these dreams been so lucid? 

when i lay my head at night, it is tainted with the things i have fed it, and do still so clearly recall what is going on when there is nothing going on is... well i dont know what it is, but the only way to release it is a creative channel that must be tapped into.

ch-ch-ch-chchanngesss

i havent had moments of peace since i moved here

you have not been paying attention

cozimnot

put me in you head put me in your head. then let me sit there and never ever let me go. i find sharpies exciting.

and then i fade out into the street

i thought you would be my center when i spun away.

this morning i got lost somewhere between where you were and where i wanted to be. so i pulled over onto the side of the road. there were a few old wisecrackers picking for geodes right off of the highway. i decided since i hadnt been having luck finding what i was looking for, id pass the time by uncovering the secret little beauties hidden underneath the rocky surface. the waters high, its may, so the creeks overflow in my nic-o the woods, i stood under a natural waterfall until my breasts were so hard they wouldve broken diamonds. it felt beautiful. in that moment. it felt beautiful to paint my body with the richest of clay from the oldest of dirt. so untouched that once it touched your skin you remember the true meaning of virginity. 

and then i sat on a rock. 

and waited. 

and waited. 

and waited.

kinda like deja vu of some night in may with some girl who doesnt know how to somethings. 

ive got scratches on my legs because i closed my eyes before i ran through the woods. i ran a couple of miles.i stop. because im short of oxygen. i find a meadow, smells like cow dung, so im walking along the cows path now through the woods. and i see the herd. they are all lying on their big milk filled bellies, and i turn and stare for along time, at what it means to live. and then i shout to the cows, " WHAT HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS WORLD." all at once 60- 80 cows rise, looking me dead in the eye, and they dont stop. i close my eyes and tell them to let the one who has thought to come forth. almost instantly the herd turns to a burly, old haggard looking cow and he approaches me with fear, intimidation, and curiosity in his eyes.  i touch my nose to his, and we close our eyes. he knows what i know.  i turn around and continue my run. 

as daylight drips off of the spring leaves, leaving me with this night, let the nature of today carry on. 

                                                                                                                                                                                 a day in the the woods with only myself. and some herb

goodday.badday.

   FUCK IT

escape artist.

as the frames of time pass quickly, i am slowly starting to understand my effect.

i have no words as of now on a big portion of my life. i can only feel. and it is confusion. like every limb of my mind being pulled in a different direction. no matter what i do someones going to get hurt. where does that leave me when im trying to be a good person. thats what i want to know. 

---i eat them to ignore the world around me. ignore. no blabber blabbity is real after i eat them.

the leaves are getting greener.

the lion woke from the coma

i am holding two spiral notebooks in my hand. one telling me the beauty of the cosmos. the other has drawings of all of the dreams ive had. then a look on the street corner and theres a man, with a light gray suit, he looks through my eyes and into my soul and he asks, "what do you have in those note books my lovely?" I tell him, well sir i have been handed these two notebooks, i tell him what they contain. he seems concerned. " You cannot possibly read both of those, and especially not at the same time, you will never get the true value of either," he says. I blink a few times. Then I ask him which i should read. He smirks, with compassionate eyes and says, "thats your choice." Im still standing on the corner where he crossed the street to get to 61st and destiny.

and we believed her then

this is rock and roll in case you forgot. in case i forgot, this is what im doing.

" and now outside you see the waves in her eyes
and I, I won't mind what you decide to swear by
and now oustide, you see the waves in her eyes
and I, and I won't mind what you decide to swear by

and now outside I see your eyes meet the sky
and I, I don't mind what you decide to swear by
and now outside, I see your eyes meet the sky
and I, I won't lie, I kept you here tonight " -beirut

swallowed by life in a green costume.

bags under my eyes because my tears need a home.-

  you have always been the one i payed attention

now im laying on my back waiting for this kiss that

will never come. 

my body is under the sheets, and it feels like the 

brightest constellation on land, but you dont 

see it like that yet. yet. You cant hear my thoughts,

they are trying to write an equation that will 

equal me standing next to you. 

" thanks for the beer dear"

while salsa dancing with my confusion and taking a tango with

 insecurities, i realize i may not have been completely honest.

 This, This, you, this is okay, because this is what i want. and if 

you dont, than please leave the insides of my chest alone. 

_____________________________________________________________

the grass is growing underneath my feet. I'm being stared at by the moon so full. im staring into a vastness beyond my own comprehension, wondering when i will stop, wondering why im still standing there, and wondering when the grass got so green and tall under my feet. 

and then i broke-through to the place of astral existence and stars melting through distance and time. i am not the only light projection here. your here, and your here, and you, you are here to. we are all here.  dripping slowly onto the concrete reality that banishes my imagination.

Taking a look in the eternal mirror.

A good friend once told me that there isn't a day of his life that he does not take a dive inward and stare into the eyes of his own soul. I thought i could relate, until recently, when i found myself staring into the face of my own worst enemy, myself.  Ive built myself around this notion of 'should be', but i still have fallen short of happiness in a few places. I really wonder what true contentment feels like. When does the world stop and allow you to plummet into a true world- stopping feeling of gratitude? 

The world as a whole is extremely demanding. Have we lost sight of what it truly means to be a human being in these cosmos? When you cant place feeling to situations anymore, how do you make decisions? Do YOU follow what you see? or do you create an example for others to look at?

Talk of moving gets my feet in flight all over, i wonder why i love this feeling so much. 

We stopped at where we once begun. 

a gave a lie to the light, and she ate it. and i 

tie my hands, because i have no more to give

away.  facing backwards looking at a 19 year old 

image, that would take less than a day to explain.

and if you take it all away, 

if you take it all away, ive got a paragraph. 

we moved so slowly through the grid.

i hardly remember what i did, the equation?

the equation that got me here, lies in the mind of a swiss

on a tangent.

i have been waiting for you.

i have been waiting.

your lips looked like a ripe plum ready to fall from the

breasts that they grew from. the moon sang my name as

i tried to focus, i couldnt help but acknowledge its song.

on a night like tonight, im ready to put up a fight.

i turned to see your lips, and im ready tonight.

and a promise is never not broken, especially 

when spoken. im sorry in advance...

In the end. Ill be here with myself. continously

through out this life, and eternally in my next step. 

alone. all in loving intentions.

when i look into my soul, i am disappointed to see a host dressed in

black who directs me to the table in which all goes transparent. 

with a side of shrimp.

always heading toward the end of the road and the beggining of the sky. always.