swimming

im lost and none of you are helping me. im roaming with a bunch of lost children. and when im struggling instead of advice and good vibes, i feel like my walls are caving in and im sinking into the world from where my body is planted.

and im not what i seem, and im starting to go deeper into introversion. i wonder if im reeeping a bad energy ive sown. i was only trying to help, and im not this good at this yet. im not really sure i can follow the line backwards to see what was originally right and what was originally wrong and im pretty sure thats where it all starts.

this is the first time that many of my questions have been given an opportunity to be answered.

this is the first time that the silvery sun of winter has kept me this long.

this is all a creation. I'm defining life as an art. i can only grasp what is important when it is right in front of me. I feel that who i am, is not correlating with who i am trying to become. i feel a rip in reality growing with every step im taking. i turn around to make sure no cars are coming, because that is the spinning plate that needs to be checked most frequently, i then question my hunger needs, then i move onto lifes direction, i find no peace there but the plate is at just a close enough distance to where i can see it when it starts to spin out of control, i check the cars coming, oh no, the time plate has started to fall, i ride faster, and it spins in perfect balance once again, i balance my familys place with my knee, it falls alot, but always gets picked back up, theres one that always seems to spin, and that is the self plate. but as of right now all the plates are falling off balance because the self plate has started to spin out of control. until i get that one spinning, i dont know what will happen to the other plates in the meantime.

i always get the shitty end of everything, and its always up to me to fight it off, or make it the sunny end. when does this change. when do i get the best for all this work?