Gratitude and Frustration.

Everyday I wake up a accepting life on its own terms a little more.   I control my own reality and nooone  else's, this leads me to walking my feet out of alot of predicaments, with the realization that most of the time the situation is not solely controlled by myself. Im a runner. I havent stuck with alot of hard times, and its something i regret deeply. 

One of my best friends Danielle is moving to Austin, Tx this weekend, and shes not walking away with a great amount of good vibes towards me. Its a moment of epiphany to me. 

Ive been really feeling amped on life in all aspects, besides this. 

I AM letting go of alot of people in my life that i dont feel consider my emotions, or really take the time to understand and nurture my own ideas, worrys, and needs. (thus far it would be everyone) but you cant expect to much out of people, once again, your the only one in control. The ball of frustration inside of my chest, with every conversation, grows and grows. I want to look at the majority of folks i have interacted with this far into my life, and i want to scream, I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK. and i want the people i care about to know, that that is what they get, I'm sorry if my concern for everyone isn't enough, but these people know my life has ties in every direction. I don't know a single person who connects and reaches out to more people in a day than i do.  I don't always have time to chat for hours, or visit on a day to day basis. My job is seeing you people, but theres alot of you to see. I love everyone in my world right now with the most deep and indescribable compassion, but I am ultimately concerned about my own state of mind, and my current status in life. I often feel that people underestimate what i am feeling or observing or dealing with myself, and that is okay, but I will continue to stay true to my own heart, because once I'm done walking the same path to the same end as the rest of us, i will be there alone and with my own spirit, and in the end, that's the only truth i will know. 

I love all of you in whom i reach out to on a constant basis. I'm sorry if my presence is often absent, and i will try harder to let my feelings and needs be known. Its all growing, and i may be lacking in my communication area, but everyone lacks something, and everyone deserves an explanitation. 

to a true friendship with lots of confusion. i love you and hold you in my dreams and wishes.

 

love some danielley smelly.