white sparkly blues.

the absurdity of routine is creating a new self inside of this shell. a self that questions every move, and feels trapped by every regular behavior that self possesses.

I am regretting my curiosity to find a meaning to this life, because theres no meaning that truly exists. I feel constantly some wave between humans, and our media that is always encouraging me to keep exploring that curiosity. I search my inner depths, and i review my observations. I find nothing solid. I wonder why so much of my mind is occupied by this search. Abatement never comes. The person i exist with doesn't take time to reflect entirely on what is happening to him, i wonder if it is his age, or hes never seen it from this angle. I don't depreciate him because of it, i more or less admire him, and question how i got stuck in my head.

I am looking forward to the day i move out of this city, its coming this spring. I will be imbued with excitement that experience is ripe in my life again. Life is slow. so sloooooooooow. then it smacks you that time is passing so quickly in fact that you wish you had more of the slow time once again. i know how this goes. its a cycle. and i will be riding the countercurrent.

Planning a trip to paris in september. airfare is cheap early in the year ($630 r/t) . I will be going to Paris, Madrid, Amsterdam, and Berlin. Very interested on what this year will bring, hopefully some internal resolution.