" I want to take an endless drive underneath that big Texas sky. I want to watch the sun set on the fences, feel the soft breeze coming off the water, hear the crickets late at night, lie on the upper deck and see the entire milky way unobstructed by signs of life. I want to hear the caleche rocks crunch under my worn out flip flops, throw rocks at rusty pans hung up on a wire fence, and feel the cultural vibes of San Antonio deep in my soul. Three years ago, however, i wanted nothing to do with these things. They disgusted me, repulsed me, and made me question why my parents would ever choose south Texas, of all places, to live. But now I understand. It's not just the scenery, it's not just the slow.pace of life, and it's not just the endless horizons. It's the southern hospitality, it's the friends who are there for you WHENEVER you call, and it's the promise of a man's word. It's the implicit TRUST that lies understood between even complete strangers, and it's the place where being nice isn't a crime. " - Sarah Digby. 

she speaks of feelings that ring true to me when i revisit these feelings i last had in new york. 

im sitting in brooklyn, feeling a little snakey, " Ciao Bella," he says as he shuts the door to leave for the airport.  oh and the imagination a new yorker can stir up.

I hear flavourful latin music rythmatically cradling the streets today. Puerto rican day in Brooklyn. 

a car pulls up bumpin some other shit. some real shit. some urban jungle boy beat with some truth and some passion. the perfect mixture for relevance, its hard to understand when your always walking in our shoes. step into  place like this, and you wear all the shoes because the only clue youve got to whats going on is by observing those around you. catching the flow, then finding smaller patterns. - and im back to the song, and the lyrics, 

"  Ay-yo I warned you, now all niggaz could do is mourn you

I'm born to kill and still thrilled, I put it on you

There's no regrets, remorse, only results and loneliness

Only the strong survivors strive through life as warriors

All of us die, some of us kill, even massacred

Who wanna try? Punisher will if you ask for it

I'm hazardous for your health and hell's your next stop

For real my shit's cocked the world has just stopped..."

- big pun 

im supposed to open up the wormhole this week. im in way over my head, and then you add unreliable people to the equation causing for a stressstorm warning this week. mm great.

Gratitude and Frustration.

Everyday I wake up a accepting life on its own terms a little more.   I control my own reality and nooone  else's, this leads me to walking my feet out of alot of predicaments, with the realization that most of the time the situation is not solely controlled by myself. Im a runner. I havent stuck with alot of hard times, and its something i regret deeply. 

One of my best friends Danielle is moving to Austin, Tx this weekend, and shes not walking away with a great amount of good vibes towards me. Its a moment of epiphany to me. 

Ive been really feeling amped on life in all aspects, besides this. 

I AM letting go of alot of people in my life that i dont feel consider my emotions, or really take the time to understand and nurture my own ideas, worrys, and needs. (thus far it would be everyone) but you cant expect to much out of people, once again, your the only one in control. The ball of frustration inside of my chest, with every conversation, grows and grows. I want to look at the majority of folks i have interacted with this far into my life, and i want to scream, I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK. and i want the people i care about to know, that that is what they get, I'm sorry if my concern for everyone isn't enough, but these people know my life has ties in every direction. I don't know a single person who connects and reaches out to more people in a day than i do.  I don't always have time to chat for hours, or visit on a day to day basis. My job is seeing you people, but theres alot of you to see. I love everyone in my world right now with the most deep and indescribable compassion, but I am ultimately concerned about my own state of mind, and my current status in life. I often feel that people underestimate what i am feeling or observing or dealing with myself, and that is okay, but I will continue to stay true to my own heart, because once I'm done walking the same path to the same end as the rest of us, i will be there alone and with my own spirit, and in the end, that's the only truth i will know. 

I love all of you in whom i reach out to on a constant basis. I'm sorry if my presence is often absent, and i will try harder to let my feelings and needs be known. Its all growing, and i may be lacking in my communication area, but everyone lacks something, and everyone deserves an explanitation. 

to a true friendship with lots of confusion. i love you and hold you in my dreams and wishes.

 

love some danielley smelly. 

                                   


                                    

coming to conclusions.

"Space ships can't tame the jungle
And I feel like I'm giving in
We've been drivin thru a desert
Looking for a life to call our own."   -beck    

I woke up this morning.       You would think that was enough to fill my day. 

This is MY blog. Hello, Im Hannah. Im your tourguide to the universe. Ive decided that living a life in which I am the observer, and not the observee, is the kind of life i find the most comfort in. I also feel like a few good tips from a few good people are the most helpful tools the world has to offer.

Lately I have been paying an unusual amount of attention the simple idea that we are all walking the same path to the same end. Walking, in a line, to the same ending. hypothetically. This, here, what you are experiencing, this is the big gray area for me. The filling of our time is the most uncertain subject i can journey to in my head. 

Nevertheless, all of this really doesn't matter to me anymore. Im finding more and more everyday that the action of doing is what my life will hold, continually until my walk has ended and my energy is released back into the pool of unknowingness. In the meantime, Im broke, my creative capacity is overwhelming, and i love, love, love finding beauty in people and their ideas. I will keep you updated on things going on around the world and around my neighborhood, that will keep the soul pleasantly occupied. Namaste. =]

 

photo credit: Danielle Shaun Way